Her & I

Obsessed, Addicted,

infatuated... Will this

uncontrollable feeling of

love ever cease? Maybe,

a little of my heart dies everyday.

Maybe... its a desire to be

with someone I can't have.

The day she rejected me

for the last time, a

little piece of me died. Still

I can't cry. Time passes.

I tried. Now it all ends. I

say "goodbye" to the dreams

of her and I.

J. L. Only: Why

Why would you want him back? Five months too late. You’ve
already started to date. He’s had plenty of chances and now
he wants you back? Tell him it’s too late.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

He’s selfish and obsessed because you moved on. He just can’t
stand to see you happy with anybody else. He should of thought
about that before he let you get away.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

He’s lazy and unmotivated. What kind of life could he offer you
when all he knows is the easy way. He’s got no heart. His idea’s
are fantasies painted on imaginary clouds.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

He thinks that he can be the best for you. He’s wrong. Your life
doesn’t need him to be complete... let alone satisfied. Your life
is fully complete and he’s just broken.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

Damaged goods are not a gift to be held up in esteem. Let what’s
been severed be left as it is. His exaggerated life will only keep
you desiring everything without him.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

He’s a drunk and proud of the amount that he can drink. As if that
was something to adhere to. The audacity of him to think that
you actually need him. Don’t turn back to him.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

Your past was filled with arguments. One argument after the other.
Haven’t you had enough of that? Don’t make the same mistake by
considering the possibility that you love him.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

He says that he loves you and can’t live life without you. If that
was true then why did he let the breakup last so long. Six months
is a half a year. He lived half a year without you.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

If your even considering this... then I’ve underestimated you. I
know you’ll make the right decision. Don’t give up everything
you’ve made for yourself without him. Move on.

I don’t see why she doesn’t want me.

J. L. Only: Silence & Fear of Rejection

There is no response. Only the sound of electricity in the air.
It resonates with every appliance. The TV, the refrigerator and
the computer all carry the same jeering sound.

It’s the sound of your silence that magnifies the electricity that
permeates this world. This room that echos the absence of your
voice. This is the sound of a quiet deafening noise.

Chosen to be ignored or in an unintentional delay of response
has left me in fear. Afraid of being denied a fulfillment of a void
specifically shaped and only filled by one. You.

Fragile... this heart that beats. A mirror of your own. Yes, the
same beat after beat also thumps in me. The vulnerable heart is
the only heart that is left in total defeat. Breath (sigh).

Vulnerable, from the inner sanctum of safety. Made visible with
words to alleviate any lack of information. They are received
with no response. Only L. Only knows what I want.

Comfortable is the life that has picked up the pieces. A new
life without... is possible. The past left behind. Attempts to
recapture it failed miserably. My fate, disgraced.

Breaking the silence is my redemption. The voice that saves
is the same voice when absent... torments. Whom then? Only
the graceful voice of one can shatter this silence.

152 Days Ago

J. L. Only: Post Break Up

One

Frustrated. The bridges fail as they disappear. The fog appeared and burned away taking with it any memory of a road to the other side.

Darkness hovers over me like a thunder storm. Striking down any desire to abide. Attempts to live life as if you were never here... Is the lie that can't be realized. Every attempt to fake it only gets struck down like pins on a bowling lane. Strike! Heart stained with a bad taste of you leaving me.

Scribbled once these dorment thoughts. Now they emerge again. Maybe my only friend. These words say hi, back to me again. I wave back to say goodbye my old friend.

Two

Months have passed and I look forward to nothing but sleep. It's my den of retreat from facing another day of false torment. Because... This torment seems like nothing... And yet, my sleep is interupted daily by my obligations to work. Oh, the dreaded days of work. Oh, I can't wait to sleep again. Maybe my closest friend. Even more so than these writings that say nothing to me but remind me with waves to say hi. Again I say, goodbye.

Three

Everything people do is meaningless. Nothing really ever matters. In the end we all die. With you, me... us, purpose dies.

Our days on Earth are numbered. Short is our time here, like a drop of water in the ocean. Like a grain of sand in the Sahara.

Bleak seems the future... the present shadowed by the darkness forecasted. Yes, my guts feel empty even though it's full.

Pulled by the prospects of an uneventful life. My arms are stretched as my own sacrifice. I have no tears to shead. Like i'm already dead.